The c-word

Being the sort that doesn't extend trust easily, I have naturally become skeptical of the c-word during this election cycle where "change" is to any number of candidates what "normalcy" was to Warren Harding: an electoral elixir that washes down the bitter pill of reality. So powerful has this campaign super-weapon been, it forced Hillary Clinton to revamp her message after just one caucus amid the hay bales and pitchforks of Iowa. More remarkable, it even forced itself on Republican candidates who then proceeded to tell us that "Washington is broken." (Yes, and ice is cold.)

I propose we play a little game. Every time a candidate says the c-word in its noun form, let's replace it with the word flatus. Such that we have:

"Flatus will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time."

"We are the flatus that we seek."

"I was drawn to the power of the African American religious tradition to spur social flatus."

"All across the world, in every kind of environment and region known to man, increasingly dangerous weather patterns and devastating storms are abruptly putting an end to the long-running debate over whether or not climate flatus is real."

"The challenges of flatus are always hard. It is important that we begin to unpack those challenges that confront this nation and realize that we each have a role...."

"Even Mitt Romney, who is running for president as Ward Cleaver, is for flatus. Every time he gets up there, he says, 'I love flatus. Flatus is good. Who doesn't like flatus?" (OK, I cheated with this one, as it's from The Deseret News.)

"John McCain and Mike Huckabee are both out there talking about flatus." (Another cheat, this one from the Houston Chronicle.)

"I can promise you this: I will never use Ronald Reagan as an example for flatus."

"This is a message of flatus that will sweep across this country. It doesn't just work in Democratic primaries and caucuses, it's a message that will be powerful in the general election next fall when I am the Democratic nominee."

"I know that my climate flatus plan is stronger than John McCain's."

"I think we finally have a poll without a margin of error ... We have sent a powerful message to Washington: Flatus is coming!"

All this talk of change -- er, flatus -- is beginning to sound as useful as this.